How many times have you heard the phrase, “for real” as a question or as an affirmation? People often use it to emphasize how honest they are about something they said that happened or a promise they intend to keep or simply to show that they are being honest.
When you keep a promise or when you act in an honest and truthful way, it says so much about you; the quality of you as an individual. However important, it is not about how others perceive you or the impact of your actions that are more significant but who you are because of them. If you give someone some food because they are hungry, even though the act of giving food and satisfying a hungry person’s need is important, the fact that you are a kind, generous and sensitive person is incredible.
The same can be said of love. If someone tells you that he/she will love you, at the back of your mind, you know that there is no deadline. If a gentleman was to tell a lady, “I love you and I will love you forever,” and another lady tells a gentleman, I love you and I will love you for the next 12 months,” which one would surprise you? Obviously, the second one. In our heart of hearts, we know that love and loving has no timelines.
Consider another situation where one person tells another that they will love them but in their hearts, they do not intend to keep that promise forever. Is such a person honest? If you lie to someone, can you claim to love them for real? Obviously, no.
So far we know that to truly love, we have to set to love the other person and to be loved forever. Next, we need to know that love is like having a job of our own or where we are employed. For us to get a job that will be productive at and enjoy doing, we need to have many years of preparation in school and other places; basically we need to learn about the job, about working and seek a job that taps into our talents and gifts. Also as an individual, I must think of a job whose stress levels I can manage not just the money. Once you get the job, you have to work hard in order to excel in it and in the process, you feel good about yourself and you enjoy the benefits that come from that job.
Think of the same when it comes to loving forever. You need to prepare for it and learn as much as you can before you get the job. You need to gain the skills and values that love requires. Then, you need to find a person that matches your personality, whose stress levels you can handle, who fits your talents and skills and who you can create a life together. And then you work hard to make the relationship work but you don’t mind working hard because you enjoy loving the person. So, just as you enjoy working hard at a job and getting benefits from it, so you work hard in your relationship and you enjoy the benefits which come with it among which is sex.
Think of someone who wants only money but does not want the hard work that comes with the job. That person is nothing but a thief who steals from those who work hard such as their parents or friends. You are neither a thief or a sloth. When you start enjoying the benefits of marriage without committing to marriage, you are a thief and a sloth and I believe you can be more than that. God can and has given you the Grace to be courageous and commit.
And remember, if at some moments, because of loneliness and peer pressure you become a thief and a sloth, refuse to believe that that is okay. Trust in the Mercy of God and repent and aim higher. You won’t miss. Trust God.
Chastity is not “not having sex.” It is loving “For Real.”